Archive for October, 2012

An embarrassing confession…

Wednesday, October 31st, 2012

Friends, I must make a confession.  You see, my ad did not, in fact go unheeded.  In fact, I received several solicitations, several of which I decide to indulge in.

I know, I know, I said my ad had went unnoticed, but really, it was to cover up for the embarrassment that followed.  My dates, it seems, have a tendency to…ah, expire during the course of our wooing of one another.  I have no means of explaining it!  One moment I’m making her laugh with a recounting of one of Chaucer’s more ribald tales and suddenly *BAM* dead on the table.  It’s most distressing.

Now, apart from the troubling coincidence of this happening several times in a  row, it doesn’t exactly bode well for me when people are literally dying in my presence, so I hope you don’t mind my little deception and don’t think less of me now.

Oh, and I’m nipping the “bored them to death” puns in the bud right now.  No one could POSSIBLY be bored by Chaucer that much.  I mean, c’mon.

A Few Updates

Tuesday, October 30th, 2012

Well, I have completed my first for the Phantom.   As I said in a previous comment, he just wanted a banana…delivered to Alaska.  He included a voucher for the postage, it’s just rather…odd. I mean, I’ve tried to imagine what possible purpose he could have for this. Judging by the time it would take for the package to arrive, the fruit will have spoilt by the time it arrives. Most confusing.  Still, there’s no point in complaining.  If I do this enough  he says he’ll give me support, so I might as well indulge him.

Also, an update on my Craigslist ad.  So far there have been no real responses.  In truth, I became soured to the idea after your comments, dear readers.  There are better places to find companionship.  Like here, for example.  Just posting these and finally getting comments has really made me appreciate you guys: QXZenith, Bug, Finch, Yankee White, Zup, and all the others who’ve given me such kind and encouraging words.  Every new comment fills me with joie de vivre.

Things can only get better.

A Rare Opportunity

Saturday, October 27th, 2012

It’s been a few days since my last post, but rest assured, I have a valid excuse. You see, the most wondrous and, somewhat disconcerting thing occurred. It was late at night, and I’d returned home after a long day at the theater. Shelley was sitting on the couch, waiting for me. I decided to check my email when I noticed that I had a new message, and not from some company attempting to persuade me to purchase various enhancement pills.

No, this was a letter from someone named “Phantom”, which I at first thought was quite ominous.  According to Sandy, this is not uncommon when it comes to internet naming conventions, and is likely some sort of childish attempt at being “cool”. Regardless, I decided to click upon his message, and to my surprise, it was an offer to help fund my play, in return for the completion of a few errands.  Nothing quite so blatant as a request for money (even I am not so gullible), but simply a nebulous request that I complete the tasks given.

He knew my name, my address, even the fact that I’ve been trying to get my play staged. I don’t know what I should do. Can this man be trusted? The last thing I want is to fall in with unsavory characters, but he is offering to finance my play. Some have already mentioned that this may be considered a scam, but I’m not sure who to believe. Dear readers, what do you think? Yea, or nay?

A question…

Thursday, October 25th, 2012

Well, now that I actually have readers, I suppose I can ask this. I believe I would like to make a more concerted effort to meet members of the fairer sex. This is actually an idea I’ve toyed with in the past, but have never had the real desire to attempt it. Rejection, though seemingly harmless, is a powerful fear. Nonetheless, I will take you all up on the offer. I have been informed that for the quickest response, Craigslist is the most apt means of communication, and so that is where I will cast my rod, so to speak.

Below is my proposed ad:


As the title implies, I am new in town and, well, I’m just looking for a friend. I understand that most of these ads are looking for companionship of the, um, more carnal variety, which is not to say that I would be averse to the idea of a more intimate relationship, but that’s not my sole desire.
I want someone I can talk to, someone smart, witty, a woman not afraid to say what she means. I’m discovering new things every day, and it would mean the world to mean if some wonderful lady found it within herself to want to share in these moments with me. I have travelled, been to Antarctica even, and am currently struggling with childhood issues related to my father. I find it would be deceitful of me if I left this detail out.

I should also state that I am what some might refer to as “disfigured”. Of course, I believe I compensate for this with both my height (6’5″), as well as my build. I am immensely strong, so strong in fact that I once tore down a house with my bare hands. I used to have a temper, but I’ve been able to keep it under control. You will have nothing to fear when in my company!
But I am not so entirely defined by my physicality. I also possess a keen intellectual mind, and I am versed in all the classics of literature. I am as happy discussing Chaucer as I am the works of Lope de Vega. I promise that if you contact me, I will take you on a ride you shan’t soon forget! If you would wish to meet me, come to the The Berghoff on 17th West Adam Street, 9:00pm sharp.

What do you think, dear readers?

Oh, and one more thing…

Wednesday, October 24th, 2012

I almost forgot in all the excitement around Shelley.  You have called for it and I deliver!  I give unto you a sample of my play for your perusal.  I hope you like it.

Scene 1

A Furry Friend

Wednesday, October 24th, 2012

Things have slowed down, which is good for me and even better for the rate at which this blog can be updated. Anyway, first order of business, I am no longer alone in my apartment. World, say hello to my new, furry friend, Shelley!


She’s a little shy, but she can be playful, too. I decided to pick her up after talking to Sandy from the theater. I told her a little bit about myself and how I was having some trouble adjusting, and she suggested a pet. I thought that was a marvellous idea, and she took me to an animal shelter she knew. She’s such a considerate girl, that Sandy. But I digress, on to the shelter.
The shelter was full of animals, almost all abandoned by their owners. There were dogs left in basements, weasels and ferrets trapped in boxes, even kittens left to drown. It tugged at my heartstrings, every one of them, and I was finding it hard to choose between any them. Until I saw Shelley.
She was beautiful, tawny and spry. A kitten would be too much for me, I realized. I don’t think I’d be able to give it the kind of love it would need while growing. Shelley was an older cat, a few years old, actually, and they’d picked her up from a vet who’d seen her on the street. You can’t really see it in the picture, but Shelley’s whole backside is scarred and her forward leg is missing, either from a fight or a car or whatever misfortune might have befallen the poor creature, and they were forced to amputate to save her life.
I had no choice but to take her wit h me. She was two months away from being put down, and really, I see much of myself in the creature. Heh, the creature. She had no one, and certainly no one else was going to adopt her with so many other kittens and puppies to choose from. I filled out the papers without a moment’s hesitation and Shelley was mine. After living out in this world, she deserves some measure of love.
The one thing I didn’t like was the name. Shelley just sounds so… blasé. The name wasn’t my first choice, but it was the name the staff gave to her, so it stuck. Far be it from me to dictate the identity of another.
Oh, pardon me, but please don’t take this as an invitation to try and pry into my personal life. My “father” was neither the most loving or the most and the more I think about it the more I realize he was a terrible man. I suppose living in a patriarchal society it’s seen as somewhat taboo to declare outright hate of a parent, but I am past caring. I renounced that life when I came here, and that’s the last I’ll say of the matter.
Getting back to the point at hand, I really should thank you all. If it weren’t for your kind and encouraging words, I might never have had the courage to do as much as I have. It seems that every day better things keep happening, I almost dread the next day for fear of what might reduce these days to halcyon equivalents.
But to end this on a high note, here’s a picture of Shelley’s face after I gave her some catnip.



Tuesday, October 23rd, 2012

Why, hello there. It’s been a while, and for that I beg your forgiveness, dear readers, but work has been busy and I often return to my apartment exhausted. We put on a show every Sunday, and I am both the first to arrive and the last to leave. I’ve started talking to the cast and other crew members, which is an improvement.
My first three days no one would talk to me. They gave me a wide berth, though I could see them sneaking peeks while my back was turned.
It’s okay though, I’m used to it, I get stares all the time. It’s always either my size or my skin, usually followed by hushed whispers pointing. Sigh. At least now I can afford a decent coat and proper size shoes. The man who hired me talks to me though. He’s old, though not as old as the man below. He says he’s seen others like me, back when he worked in the circus. Though meant to be comforting, I could not help but feel it was a bit backhanded. That did not surprise me, he did hire me, after all. What did surprise me was when one of the actresses came to speak to me after rehearsal. I’d set down a load of sandbags when she waved in my direction and, god help me, I turned around to see who she was waving to. Seeing no one, I realized she was waving to me.
I don’t think you understand how shocking this was to me. People have literally FLED IN TERROR upon seeing me. I have been spat upon, cursed, and at one point I’ve even been threatened with immolation. It’s not quite so bad here in Chicago though, the people seem to be made of sterner stuff.
We talked for some time, even had lunch together, with some of the other crew. She said I reminded her of someone from back home, something about the way I carry myself, and the way I conserve my speech. I’m really no one near as erudite in real-life as I am online, dear readers, something I’m sure some of you have gleaned. Either way, it was good to talk to someone else, especially someone as nice as Sandy. I think I shall endeavour to make a habit of eating lunch with her. I can only hope that she enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed hers.

New Developments

Saturday, October 20th, 2012

Ah, this is an odd post. I’ve received a well-meaning email (no comments though) concerned about my sense of self-esteem.
In truth, I find it very difficult to talk about myself in a positive. I’m, I suppose you could say, very new to culture and really interacting with anybody. If I haven’t said it already, my father was not the most caring man in the world. He was a brilliant man, but he was absorbed in his work and, I suppose, considered me a failure. I ran away from home not too long ago, I decided I wanted to do something with my life, and not spend the rest of my time on this earth wasting away in some castle.
I know it’s a problem, but it’s one that I’m trying to deal with. The email suggested therapy, but in reality I do not think I could burden any practitioner of mental health with my story, nor am I so far gone in my melancholy as to warrant it. I’m here to leave my problems behind, not dredge them up again under hypnosis.
There’s an entire city here for me to explore, I have found employment, I’ve made a friend, I might make more in the next few weeks. I think that’s a good start, don’t you?

Fortune Smiles on Me!

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

Huzzah, my readers. My trials have finally yielded fruit. I HAVE BEEN EMPLOYED! Yes, seemingly against all odds I have found work. I approached the playhouse, as was my intention before, complete with my completed manuscript. Though they were less than excited, mostly from a lack of funds with which to put on an original production, they did offer me something else. It seems one of their workers was injured in their latest production and needed a replacement immediately. It’s a quiet job, in the back and away from the crowds, in other words, perfect for me.
Now, I must be off to sleep. Work begins tomorrow. I believe they are currently in the process of staging The Tempest and they will need me to sweep up the sand and feathers. Goodnight, readers.

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

I’m not ready to show it to the world yet, but this experience has revealed something to me. This is what I want to do.  I have started writing a play, a personal story of mine I’ve wanted to tell for some time.   I want to feel again the way I did on the bus, the room suffused with resounding applause.
I have decided. On my way back to the apartment the other day, I noticed a flyer for a playhouse of old, located on the lower west side. It seems small, but any outlet is better than nothing at all. As soon as I am finished I shall endeavor to have their troupe stage my play.

As I complete my work I shall post fragments of it for your perusal, so check back often. Ah, I don’t even know what to say! It’s as though I’ve never felt so alive!

Also, it seems that my musical tastes are, antiquated. If anybody has any suggestions, interesting bands and such, just send me a message on my twitter. I don’t have many followers right now, but hopefully that will change in the coming months.

I now realize I don’t really have any followers, or readers for that matter.  I guess this is just me speaking out into the void, but that in and of itself is somewhat therapeutic.  It feels good, just being able to say what’s on my mind, and far more eloquently that I ever could in the real world.