An embarrassing confession…

Friends, I must make a confession.  You see, my ad did not, in fact go unheeded.  In fact, I received several solicitations, several of which I decide to indulge in.

I know, I know, I said my ad had went unnoticed, but really, it was to cover up for the embarrassment that followed.  My dates, it seems, have a tendency to…ah, expire during the course of our wooing of one another.  I have no means of explaining it!  One moment I’m making her laugh with a recounting of one of Chaucer’s more ribald tales and suddenly *BAM* dead on the table.  It’s most distressing.

Now, apart from the troubling coincidence of this happening several times in a  row, it doesn’t exactly bode well for me when people are literally dying in my presence, so I hope you don’t mind my little deception and don’t think less of me now.

Oh, and I’m nipping the “bored them to death” puns in the bud right now.  No one could POSSIBLY be bored by Chaucer that much.  I mean, c’mon.

8 Responses to “An embarrassing confession…”

  1. fishtowater Says:

    I feel for you, Adam. I was wondering though; what are the characteristics you like to see in a girl?

  2. QXZenith Says:

    Oh, wow, this doesn’t sound good.

    Don’t worry, I know this has nothing to do with you, and I don’t think anything less of you. But I have to warn you, this stinks of sabotage.

    You’ve acknowledged that I give good advice before, so I hope you won’t mind if I tell you exactly what I’m thinking now.

    I think someone is trying to set you up– to frame you as the worst kind of criminal. I don’t want to sound paranoid, or like a broken record, but it’s VERY likely that that someone is, or is working with, your Phantom.

    Get away from this whole situation. Get away from that man. Maybe go back to online socializing for a while, at least until we get to the bottom of this? Nobody can frame you as a murderer if you’re not even interacting in person.

    There are some very dangerous forces in play, and I don’t like the idea of them using you as a pawn. My friends and I will work on exposing what’s really going on here; until then, TREAD CAREFULLY.

    Godspeed,
    Qara-Xuan

  3. Lieutenant Alaki Says:

    Um, okay, while the whole conspiracy thing Zenith has going on here seems kinda far-fetched, I have to agree with the point he makes- this doesn’t seem like coincidence. Someone is almost definitely trying to mess with you for whatever reason, and until concrete evidence of exactly what is happening to these women turns up, staying away from dating can only be beneficial.

    Keep safe, man- you and your peers.

  4. Lieutenant Alaki Says:

    Sorry, point SHE makes. -_-

  5. QXZenith Says:

    Dear Adam,

    I was really concerned about you after seeing that post, so I phoned up a friend of mine who works as a police detective up in Canada. Don’t worry, I presented it to him as a hypothetical scenario– I just really wanted to know what he’d make of the mysterious deaths; maybe he’d know something that could help you.

    He was actually really helpful– he gave me a list of things he’d need to know in order to draw any conclusions about the case.

    Here’s what he asked (I jotted it down while we were talking so I’d remember): 1. Is there any pattern in the killings? Anything they share?
    2. How many deaths have there been?
    3. What was the manner of death in each case? Chest pain, followed by collapse? Inexplicable collapse? Short of breath? Dizzyness?
    4. What about the bodies? Was there a common discoloration? Bruising? Did e see any injuries, such as a bandaged arm or finger?

    I know it’s probably a sensitive topic, but if you could share the answers to those questions, or as many as you know, with me– either on the blog or with an email to the email I input in order to comment– then I can get back to my friend and together we can get to the bottom of this before someone tries to put the blame on you.

    Godspeed,
    Qara-Xuan

  6. Yankee White Says:

    Haha. Okay FM, jokes on me. That’s quite the morbid Halloween joke but it is that time of year for gruesome pranks. Where did you hide the bodies! Haha! Maybe you could cut them up and sew their body parts together, making the perfect woman for you!! Just kidding!
    HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
    Lookout, Dracula is behind you! LOL!
    Stay away from the castle, the monster lives there! #ikeed

    Seriously though, on the off chance that what you say is true, you need to get a lawyer. (Not kidding.) 0_0

  7. H Says:

    Have you been further contacted by this Phantom? Did the victims eat anything significant? (Incidentally, I like Chaucer too)

  8. Bug Says:

    Please understand from the start that I’m fairly sure the people dying at your dates isn’t your fault.

    I’m sure you already know this, but I thought I’d clear it up for you, I wouldn’t want you to worry.

    Secondly – everything everyone else says sounds… very suspicious. Dates don’t usualy DIE in the middle of the second course… or the third course for that matter… or during the walk home. I’d take Zenith’s advice. I’m worried about what this guy wants with you.